Comparison is the Thief of Confidence
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
After entering motherhood, I became aware of the criticizing voice in my head. I consistently compared myself and had never-ending negative thoughts. This began to affect my relationship with the people I loved most.
Through counseling, self-work, and meditation, I realized the criticizing voice was a result of unhealed trauma and low self-esteem. The voice encouraged a habit of comparing myself to others and old versions of myself. I morphed into this overly critical individual who only saw the negatives. Eventually, I grew tired and decided to silence the negative voice and regain my power.
I did so by choosing to say nice things to myself, focusing more on the positives, and practicing appreciating the lessons learned from the negatives. These seem like easy enough tasks, but it can be challenging to adopt new habits after you’ve been one way for so long. Below are different methods to stop comparing and to start appreciating.
Pinpoint Triggers of Comparison
Identify the common scenarios, spaces, or individual(s) that cause you to compare yourself. One way to do this is by paying attention to the specific times you’re triggered and analyzing the environment and people around you.
Once you identify your triggers, consider why it happened and acknowledge your feelings without judging yourself or feeling shame. Tell yourself that comparison is normal, and allow yourself to transition the moment positively.
Read and Speak Positive Affirmations
Adopting positive affirmations in your life can differ depending on your lifestyle. If you’re religious, this can look like reading or reciting sacred text aloud to yourself. For others, it can be reading motivational poems or quotes or listening to uplifting music. It can also be both.
Regardless of how you incorporate positive speech into your life, it should keep your goals at the forefront and be inspirational.
Practice Self-love and Acceptance
It becomes easier to stop comparing yourself when you actively love and accept yourself. If you compliment others more than yourself, you should practice showing yourself the same appreciation. You can do this by simply pointing out things you do well throughout your day and acknowledging the good qualities you possess without judging the qualities you don’t care for that much.
Distance Yourself from Negative Individuals
People who consistently speak negatively can significantly influence how you lead your life. Even if you want to be more positive, changing can be challenging when surrounded by negative folks.
While it would be fantastic for the people in your life to grow at the same rate as you, it’s unrealistic. Your life journey brought you to a point of change and growth. Others may not have had that revelation yet, and others may never have it. When accepting change and growth, letting go of people who cause more harm than good is unavoidable and unpleasant.
Honestly, though, not comparing yourself and speaking more positively is more mentally challenging than it sounds. It requires dedication, consistency, and, in some cases, professional help. But the first step is making the mental effort to stop comparing yourself and actively seek positive habits that promote change in your life.
And just as a reminder, your words are more powerful than you know. Try to speak kindly to yourself and others, especially children, because your words are planting seeds.